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From: steve to jill
Date: 28/07/03
Time: 21:55:31
Remote Name: 80.47.207.230
Hi again, havn't been on for a few days. Been doing ok, just dealing with a bit of a bout of depression at the moment. It comes and goes in various severity. I don't feel really anxious at the moment, it only semms to bother me when i have to travel anywhere, but i have been feeling more depressed over the last couple of weeks, i just have to deal with it and hope it lifts itself, not really one to take tabs or anything, thats probably why i have been this way for so long. I am actually a very strong minded person, I can more or less deal with anything the world throws at me, but anxiety, depression are serious opponents. I do work, i design electronic circuits for a company, since most of my work is done on the pc, it doesn't really effect this, but when i'm asked to attend social events or meetings, i usually make my excuses. I have missed all kinds of occasions over the last couple of years, it just seems to be the norm now. I have got good friends and family around me, but sometimes i think they are all growing wary of me. (i don't blame them)i can see the effect my problems have on everyone, and it really gets to me, cos i can see how much the people who are closest to me are feeling depresseed themselves about me. Everyone's always trying to give me a lift, but they just don't understand. I don't hold it against them. I am seriously thinking about taking this med the doc gave me, (cipramil) i have had it in my room for about two weeks, but when i think about taking it, i start to think about all the problems that can come with it, side effects, addiction etc..catch twenty two. I have actually made a couple of positve steps, been on a diet,started to do a bit of gym work, but the gym thing has tapered out,i'm going to try again, probably starting with tomorrow (i say that every day)Sometimes i just feel whats the point?...i have to reason with myself just to do the smallest of things. This is how things get you...i suppose we just have to plod on. I couldn't really say what started it all off, but i have had a really stressful last few yrs, although i won't go into the details, as i'm sure you have probably had your own problems to deal with...anyway hope your doing well, take carew steve.