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From: messed up
Date: 03/08/03
Time: 10:58:10
Remote Name: 82.37.132.163
Ive been off Effexor now for a few months and its only just hit me how much that the drug masked out,im really suffering with life at the moment.I hope people dont mind but it would help if i could spit it all out and then if anyone else has or is going through the same maybe you could help me sort my head out. A year ago i started a new relationship with a wonderfull man,whom i love dearly,then 1 of his 3 kids moved in then a few months later the girl moved in,i thought id be able to cope,and as i was on the tablets i did.Then his ex wife started,phone calls,which were constant,a vist at xmas to get the eldest back(15)which after a lot of verbal abuse off the ex he went back home,which has took a lot of pressure off me.Then a week later his ex got back intouch via his son and it all started again,then she phoned again to slag me off and threaten me with her eldest who is 15 and weighs 25 stone and is 6 ft 4.I approached him outside of school whilst waiting for his sister and asked why he was being so nasty when all i ever did was wash,cook,clean and clothe him whilst he lived with me for 9 months,he didnt seem to know what i was on about and told me to piss off!!Which I did,then 4 days later i had a vist from the police for child harrasment,which really upset me as im a mother myself.Even the police said that this was just my boyfreinds ex getting back at me,the police had it on record everything that has happened with my partners ex,the phone calls through the night the vist at xmas,the threats ect so they said that they would go and see her and tell her it has got to stop!!!Which it has,the problem ive got now is that the girl that lives with us has been told by her mum and her mums mum that they dont wont anything to do with her because of me and i feel that its all my fault,ive tried to get her to ring her mum and nan but they are being so nasty,we sent flowers on Mothers day and her mum told her never to do it again but in front of her own mum she said they were lovely,my head is a complete mess again, in an ideal world i want his daughter to go back to her mums as im starting to resent the fact that if i hadnt invited them into my house then i wouldnt have had this trouble,i know i sound horrid and selfish and ive always said that the kids shouldnt suffer but what about me,my partner wont have anything to do with his ex because she has told the 2 that still live with her that they cant have any contact with there dad,my son and his dad have got a great thing going and im still on good terms with his dad too.We went to look at wedding rings a few weeks ago but how can i marry someone when i cant see a future because of whats gone on,my partner has told me to forget the past as you cant change it and move on but because of his ex and his kids i feel that ive been used and all i was trying to do make his kids feel wanted,do i go back on the tablets or do i keep fighting a battle with my head and get lower and lower till i feel like i cant go on,im 37 years of age and i feel 67,im on a roller coaster from when i wake till when i go to sleep,can any one identify with anything that ive mentioned???And try and give me some advice on where to start to break this circle of self hatered.Sorry if ive gone on but i feel a lot better,thanx