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From: Mark
Date: 11/08/03
Time: 01:19:55
Remote Name: 80.3.145.27
Sorry folks, its me again well it has been a really bad week for me and I have not got the grasp of life at all at the min. To top it off my girlfriend says that she can not go out with me the way I am at the min but would like to stay just friends. I find this very hard at the as I am deeply in love with her, more like really fallen for her. She said that I am really mixed up at the min. I found this hard but she did say she will stay by me through these tough times.
Then my best friend how I live with start to break down on me cause he says that I have been secretive and never tell him whats been going on and I have to keep telling him that I do not know whats going on as I do not myself other wise I could make myself better.
To top it off I am finding that the Sertraline 50mg is a load of rubbish they just seem to make me light headed and stop me from crying. But I still have horrible thoughts ones that make me feel sick, and still get compulsions to do wierd things. It would be nice to have some form of medication that just makes me like a zombie then I would not trouble all the people round me. I think the only reason I am alive at the min is cause I keep thinking about the people I love and how it would affect them, or I might have tried it by now.
When I go back to the Doctors in two days time I am going to ask her if she will up the dose to 100mg or ask if she will prescribe me Effexor XR as they has been good reports on that and its just the withrdrawl thats hard. And to top it off the Doctor even asked if I could return the Prozac I was on as she was frightened that I might OD on it.
At the min I am ver very frightened and keep thinking about harming myself, and I seem feel hatered towards myself. I just do not seem to be in control anymore and can not be left alone for 5 mins.
Any do you think that I should take one 50mg in the mourning and one in the evening then that way I would be getting 100mg a day.
Please help folks I really need to speak with you.
Thanks for helping me in the past.