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From: mandy
Date: 05/11/03
Time: 13:22:52
Remote Name: 82.37.132.217
Ive been off Venlafaxine now for just over 7 months,im going back to my doc today to see if I can go back on the tablets as im not very well at all,ive been on an emotional rollercoaster now for at least 3 months.My minds not my own,some days im fine and then other days i could take a bottle of pills,im eating for comfort,i look in the mirrow and see a person that i hate,im 2 stones over weight which i know is my fault but i cant get my mouth connected to my brain,im joining slimming clubs one day then not going again then i go again to a differant club a week after joining the first,i left a job which i had been in for 5 years because of 2 girls and 2 blokes it was a form of mental torture,it was the worst thing that i ever did and i feel that i was forced out of a job that i loved,even now 2 years on im still trying to get a part time job back in the company as i miss it ,3 of the 4 people that i had problems with have now left,i really beat myself up about letting these people bully me and play mind games with me and theres not a day that doesnt go by that i think about what i let them get away with,i was a really strong person but i let them treat me like crap(sorry if this offends anyone).Ive gone through the same with my partner i had his kids come and live with us when we first got together and the hassle i had off my partners ex both verbal and with the police is to great to list,i feel that im like a hamster and i cant stop the wheel going round,for the past month since i left a job that i was in for 17 months i feel that im not in control,i was a temp at the same place my partner is,i did 3 shifts,then went onto nights then back to shifts then i was asked to do nights again which i did and i also did weekends overtime,i left because i started to feel paronoid,i had to do the night shift with 3 blokes that didnt like me(again it was because i was good at my job).I was offered a full time job which i took as it was a way of getting off nights and away from these people,as soon as i started this job they changed my shifts which sent me into a panic as i have got to work opporsite shifts to my partner so that we can pick the kids up.I then had to look for other employment which i found a job temping in a dirty cold factory full of men,the men were great but i suddenly thought what the hell am i doing here,just before i had to go into work on the sunday night i told my partner that i wanted to split up and that i wasnt going into work(again not thinking straight)i didnt go into work and ive now found 2 jobs one is nights and the other is days till the 1st of december when it then goes onto 06.00/2.00 then 10.00am /6.00pm which would be great for the kids but the money is 1.00gbp an hour less,ive also got a little kitchen job to start tonight which i thouhgt would go hand in hand with the second job i mentioned,see what i mean i dont know which way to turn,weve got debts to pay so its not a case of not working but im so tired mentally and physicly,and my body is slowly giving up,dying used to scare me but i havent even got any thoughts about that at the minute,which is selfish as im sure there ae thousands of people who wish that they only had my problems to deal with,can any one else connect to what im going through and how the hell can i get out of this nightmare,please help,thanx for letting me sound off. mandy